I am Scared

I know I haven't acted like it, but the truth is, I really am missing Erik.  I've been making a conscious effort not to let it show, but to be honest, I'm actually having a really hard time.  Sometimes when I go to the bathroom, I'll come back after "a while" and say that I had to take a shit or something... but really, I was missing him and crying, and too embarrassed to tell anyone the truth.  I guess I just don't want my friends to think that I'm too focused on him... and I swear to God I have been trying SO hard to focus on other things and work on what I need to get done.  And even though I've been doing that, I still have this little empty spot somewhere.  It's just that I am so truly afraid to tell anyone -- so I'm trying as hard as I can to act like I'm fine... even though I cry in my sleep nearly every night.  I just miss him so much, but I'm so terrified to let anyone know because I'm afraid they'll criticize me or think  I'm just acting "emotional" or irrational.  I have been trying SO SO HARD to keep myself together since he's left.  And, for the most part, I've done a pretty damn good job.  But I think it's all catching up to me now, and I wish more than anything that I could be wrapped in his arms right now...